what makes me to cry....

"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you."
-C.S. Lewis


Honestly, when I hear quotes like the one above, it makes me feel like crying. It makes me feel like crying because I hear how hard it is to live this out. I feel like one of my biggest 'crosses' to carry so far in my life has been to learn how to forgive. I have been through things that feel like forgiving a person would feel as though God were asking me to rip my heart out. I know that sounds dramatic but it is true for me. I have been there in prayer, lamenting to God, 'it's too hard....help me. I feel You are asking me to do the impossible. Please forgive me....help me.....help me to do this." It seems God takes me through situation after situation these last few years where I have to learn to forgive. I have to learn to forgive when forgiving doesn't make sense. I have to learn to forgive in the face of pain,betrayal, loss, and lack of understanding. I am still learning this and when I think about--which is just about every day, I hear my heart cry, "Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy." I pray one day I will be able to fully pray with confidence "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."

Akathist Hymn to the Sweet Lord Jesus Christ

Today I read "The Akathist to the Sweet Lord Jesus Christ." It is a prayer that is usually said standing (as the word infers in the Greek, so I hear)in honor, a prayer of praise. I put some parts below that stuck out to me. I would love to hear the whole thing chanted but don't know when in the Church calendar that happens. Until then, I try to reflect on the words and to mean them with sincerity.

Eikos 4
When the blind man heard You, O Lord, passing by, he cried: Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me! And You called him and open his eyes. Therefore, by Your mercy enlighten the spiritual eyes of my heart as I cry to You and say:

Jesus, Creator of those on high.

Jesus, Redeemer of those below.

Jesus, Vanquisher of the nethermost powers.

Jesus, Adorner of every creature.

Jesus, Comforter of my soul.

Jesus, Enlightener of my mind.

Jesus, Gladness of my heart.

Jesus, Health of my body.

Jesus, my Saviour, save me.

Jesus, my Light, enlighten me.

Jesus, from all torment deliver me.

Jesus, save me who am unworthy.

Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me.

Eikos 6
When the light of Your truth shone in the world, devilish delusion was driven away; for the idols, O our Saviour, have fallen, unable to endure Your power. But we who have received salvation cry to You:

Jesus, Truth dispelling falsehood.

Jesus, Light transcending every light.

Jesus, King surpassing all in strength.

Jesus, God constant in mercy.

Jesus, Bread of life, fill me who am hungry.

Jesus, Well-spring of knowledge, refresh me who am thirsty.

Jesus, Garment of gladness, clothe me who am naked.

Jesus, Haven of joy, shelter me who am unworthy.

Jesus, Giver to those who ask, grant me mourning for my sins.

Jesus, Finder of those who seek, find my soul.

Jesus, Opener to those who knock, open my hardened heart.

Jesus, Redeemer of sinners, wash away my sins.

Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me.

Eikos 12
Whilst hymning Your Incarnation, we all praise You, and with Thomas we believe that You are our Lord and God, Who sits with the Father, and shall come to judge the living and the dead. Grant that I may then stand at Your right hand, who now cry:

Jesus, King of peace, bestow Your peace upon me.

Jesus, sweet-scented Flower, make me fragrant.

Jesus, longed for Warmth, warm me.

Jesus, eternal Temple, shelter me.Jesus, splendid Garment, adorn me.

Jesus, Pearl of great price, enrich me.

Jesus, precious Stone, illumine me.

Jesus, Sun of Righteousness, shine on me.

Jesus, holy Light, make me radiant.

Jesus, deliver me from infirmity of soul and body.

Jesus, rescue me from the hands of the adversary.

Jesus, save me from the everlasting torments.

Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me.

Kontakion 13
O most sweet and tender-loving Jesus, receive this our small supplication, as You received the widow's mite; and preserve Your inheritance from all enemies, visible and invisible, from invasion of aliens, from disease and famine, from all tribulations and mortal wounds, and deliver from future torments all who cry to You: Alleluia.

Ending With:

Creator of Angels and Lord of Hosts, as of old You opened the ear and tongue of him that was deaf and dumb, so now open my perplexed mind and tongue to praise Your most holy Name, that I may cry to You:

Jesus, most wonderful, Astonishment of Angels.

Jesus, most powerful, Deliverance of Forefathers.

Jesus, most sweet, Exultation of Patriarchs.

Jesus, most glorious, Dominion of kings.

Jesus, most desired, Fulfillment of Prophets.

Jesus, most praised, Steadfastness of Martyrs.

Jesus, most gladsome, Comfort of monastics.

Jesus, most compassionate, Sweetness of presbyters.

Jesus, most merciful, Abstinence of fasters.

Jesus, most tender, joy of the righteous.

Jesus, most pure, Sobriety of virgins.

Jesus, pre-eternal, Salvation of sinners.

Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me.

AMEN.

A Sunday to Cherish the Cross Approaches

This last week I have begun to really 'feel' the fast of Lent. I've been told that actually that is normal. This is the week, half way mark of Lent, that most begin to really "feel" the fast and begin to tire, experiencing many cravings and temptations. Interesting that this is exactly why the half way mark of Lent, the 3rd Sunday of Lent, is the veneration of the Cross. The Cross is what we need. The Cross reminds us. In Lent, we embrace the cross. As we embrace it we partake in the sufferings of Christ. Oh so much greater the joy of the Resurrection after embracing the suffering and sacrifice of the Cross!

"The Cross, is wood which lifts us up and makes us great ... The Cross uprooted us from the depths of evil and elevated us to the summit of virtue". St John Chrysostom

"Shine, Cross of the Lord, shine with the light of thy grace upon the hearts of those that honor thee. With love inspired by God, we embrace thee, O desire of all the world. Through thee our tears of sorrow have been wiped away: we have been delivered from the snares of death and have passed over to unending joy. Show us the glory of thy beauty and grant to us thy servants the reward of our abstinence, for we entreat with faith thy rich protection and great mercy. Hail! life-giving Cross, the fair Paradise of the Church, Tree of incorruption that brings us the enjoyment of eternal glory: through thee the hosts of demons have been driven back; and the hierarchies of angels rejoice with one accord, as the congregations of the faithful keep the feast. Thou art an invincible weapon, an unbroken stronghold; thou art the victory of kings and the glory of priests. Grant us now to draw near to the Passion of Christ and to His Resurrection. Hail! life-giving Cross, unconquerable trophy of the true faith, door to Paradise, succor of the faithful, rampart set about the Church. Through thee the curse is utterly destroyed, the power of death is swallowed up, and we are raised from earth to heaven: invincible weapon, adversary of demons, glory of martyrs, true ornament of holy monks, haven of salvation bestowing on the world great mercy. Come, Adam and Eve, our first father and mother, who fell from the choir on high through the envy of the murderer of man, when of old with bitter pleasure ye tasted from the tree in Paradise. See, the Tree of the Cross, revered by all, draws near! Run with haste and embrace it joyfully, and cry to it with faith: O precious Cross, thou art our succor; partaking of thy fruit, we have gained incorruption; we are restored once more to Eden, and we have received great mercy. Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages, Amen."

Great Vespers on Saturday Evening before the Third Sunday of Lent, The Adoration of the Precious and Life-Giving Cross